i get down about myself and the decisions i make or made. im down right now cause i do not have anything to look forward too. my job meant a lot to me but the company changed soo much that i just didnt belong there anymore. i wish the company would see that they have lost a great employee but that is just wishful thinking. i pray to God each night that i find something to make me happy again and to look forward too. I dont like getting in fights with my spouse cause when we do i just dont feel the need to fight. when he brings up the words “im done” it doesnt phase me at all. I dont get sad or heartbroken because i refuse to let him do that to me again. i pretty much just say “ok” “what do you want me to do?” i even asked if i should start packing. I wasnt afraid. life goes on and i refuse to be unhappy and caged. i talked to my mom a lot now and she sees what i see. its just a matter of time.
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June 26, 2009 at 9:23 pm
jen
Buddy….. I don’t like hearing that. I think I offered you up some horrible advice. I feel responsible.
You know you always have somewhere to go if you need help. NO phone calls necessary. NO questions asked.
I don’t like thinking you’re going through the same shit and no job. This can’t be. I guess I expected better the second time around but from what I’ve found out, a leopard doesn’t change his spots. They ‘say’ one thing but then go back to being the other. It’s sad to find out the hard way that not all men are heroes.
I’ve learned through experiences that people CAN change only if they can put themselves aside enough to be that everything for the other. But as long as that someone finds other things more important than you, you will never be able to compete. And you shouldn’t. NOWHERE does it say you should suffer. NOWHERE does it say you should be the only one trying.
When something is broken, it is broken. You can try to fix it alone or you can ask forgiveness and start again. You owe yourself to forgive yourself and start new. There is NO material thing, there is NO place more important than what you have inside. That’s God, that’s love….that’s everything. Live your life and be happy knowing people make promises that they break. Forgive and continue living.
I love you buddy. DO NOT LET OTHERS choose your life. I think so much more of you than that. You are NOT helpless. You are NOT without options. You are NOT weak. You are NOT the only female in this world that found out some promises were empty and that after the new wore off, somehow the love did too. THAT is not real.
I wish there was more I could do but I know that feeling of wishing things were different but knowing they really aren’t and never will be. When you’ve had enough, let that be someone’s else problem. YOU deserve better.
July 10, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Jen
Hey pooks! I hope you’re doing good. I miss you. I wish you’d blog more. People who don’t get to see you at least have that to look forward to
Love you and maybe we can do lunch someday!!!!!!