You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2009.
i get down about myself and the decisions i make or made. im down right now cause i do not have anything to look forward too. my job meant a lot to me but the company changed soo much that i just didnt belong there anymore. i wish the company would see that they have lost a great employee but that is just wishful thinking. i pray to God each night that i find something to make me happy again and to look forward too. I dont like getting in fights with my spouse cause when we do i just dont feel the need to fight. when he brings up the words “im done” it doesnt phase me at all. I dont get sad or heartbroken because i refuse to let him do that to me again. i pretty much just say “ok” “what do you want me to do?” i even asked if i should start packing. I wasnt afraid. life goes on and i refuse to be unhappy and caged. i talked to my mom a lot now and she sees what i see. its just a matter of time.
This is Meri’s ghost writer/friend. She is also my best friend, my sister, my ‘twin-soul’, my confidant. I wanted to dedicate this song in here to her from me. I feel it’s a song that encompasses several facets of her life and deserves credit. I’m completely, utterly, horribly heartbroken without her here anymore. I feel something has died because it’s suddenly empty and it hurts. BUT I’m grateful for so much more and that makes me smile.
I love you Meri very much and ALWAYS ALWAYS know….. I’m here, ok? I’m never too far away for you.
Through my eyes, nothing compares to you.
I am angry…for a handful of different reasons. Struggles she’s been through and still is. But she’s a fighter and I believe in her 1029%. When she soars, when she’s free of games, I’ll watch her fly feeling proud and knowing she’s unstopabble.
Wow, this year has flown by fast. I cant believe its already summer and we are actually hitting 90 some degree weather!!! I absolutely love summer. Dont have to worry about having a coat on or being cold in general. Its ooooo sooooo nice! 
About this time last year is when I really started to feel like my life had changed for the better. But its funny how things end up sometimes. I would have never thought that I would be back in that home again. Things were just moving right by me and I didnt look twice. It was a great feeling to not feel so alone.
The next step on my journey is to find closure. I need to practice letting go of emotions and just be me. There is nothing I can do to stop things from happening so why should I worry? I will find closure and be happy for the things that I have accomplished! Hmmm, I wonder where I will be at this time NEXT YEAR???
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